A Virtuous Woman or a Vindicated Woman?

Hello darlings, I really hope you’re all good and chilling in week number 8776468 of coro. I’m going to open this up by dedicating it to God because it’s my 21st year of life and He has BEEN on my neck about doing this. I’ve taken my sweet sweet time but Hebrews 10:36 was loud in my ear; “you need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised”. Receiving promises from God is always linked to obedience. You gotta do something to get a lil something so lemme do my something out here.

I’m gonna go ahead and say my piece straight; aunties, you may relate to me on this one. Proverbs 31 and I have been going back and forth this whole quarantine period since I first came across it on RedefinedTV’s Instagram page. Initially, I didn’t even understand it, what it means to be a virtuous woman. I soon became adamant that I would, and that I would embody every single thing a “Proverbs 31 woman” is for the betterment of my relationship (big up darling Dayon). Whatever a virtuous woman is, I wanted to be her, and if I wasn’t then as a young female Christian in what I’m striving to call a godly relationship, what was I exactly?

So first I just had to understand what it means to be virtuous and what it doesn’t mean too. My digging brought me all kinds of revelation; the word virtuous comes from virtue, you know that thing that used to be chatted about and linked to girls bare once upon a time. “A lady’s virtue” and them ones there, seemed kinda posh and old school if you ask me. Everyday hold women to the standards of purity and chastity. I know you reading this signed a purity pledge in children’s church or had a chastity ring thinking you were that homegirl, it’s ok I see you that was me too. But did I even know the word virtue at that age? Definitely not and I was not moving like a virtuous, Proverbs 31 woman either, nowhere close. What I understand now though has made me think a lot and has led to the beloved (NOT) spirit of comparison. Comparing my abilities as a woman and a girlfriend to every other woman’s abilities.

To answer all my questions, I sat down, made a list and decided I’m gonna figure out once and for all if I am in fact the virtuous woman that every Christian dating sermon tells me I better be so I’m not a cancer to my man <check out Proverbs 12:4 before you squeeze your eyebrows for me please>

I weighed it all up and kind of clocked I am not really hitting all the points; I could be more consistent in my work ethic and my mentality, I am easy going with money, I’m lazy and my hands are very easily made idle, I am not trying to wake up at dawn to make no breakfast for nobody. I had to double back and ask myself, am I someone my man can trust, and do I greatly enrich his life? Do I bring him good and no harm? And if I’m not hitting enough points am I ever going to be a virtuous woman or the understanding wife that only the Lord can give? (Prov 19:14). Nah it’s a lot of questions and finally my head scattered I can’t lie. I was moving left this quarantine period, doing things and saying things I felt that a Proverbs 31 woman would do or say. And ultimately it was a flopppp lawddd it was an L and a half. Submitting when I should explain, working when the good Lord sent me to sit my bum at home and seek his face. I didn’t understand why my efforts were falling short, in my head I was screaming “THIS IS HOW A VIRTUOUS WOMAN ACTS!!” What I didn’t clock was that (lol) it really wasn’t.

My obsession with being the biblical example of an honourable woman/girlfriend/future wife made me miss the point completely, a mistake often made in this Christian walk. What I didn’t seem to realise, the small print of Proverbs 31:10-31 that your bible won’t always highlight for you, but you may need to deep for yourself is that the noble woman is not you and you darling are not her. My study bible (shout out mama Emmanuella for showing me the light) puts it perfectly; “don’t see her (the noble woman) as a model to imitate in every detail … see her instead as an inspiration to be all you can be”. Typical rookie error, I was looking at everything I wasn’t and forgot to appreciate what I am, whilst taking areas where I may be weaker to God himself. A big thing I seem to forget, I am vindicated by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross (Hebrews 10:10). The whole reason I pick up my bible and read and study and (accidentally lmaoo) find people to obsess or emulate.

Guys, I full on forgot that if I want to be any adjective of a woman that starts with a v I should remember I am vindicated through God sending his only son. Vindication is the act of clearing someone of blame or suspicion so deep before Jesus died and shed his blood on the cross every time we sinned we would have that blame or suspicion on us when entering the presence of our Heavenly Father. However, his death vindicated us all. In different versions of the bible (NLT vs NIV) the word justify is swapped with vindicate. Isaiah 50:8, “He who (vindicates me) gives me justice is near, who will dare to bring charges against me now? Hebrews 10:10 tells us that was literally God’s will for the world, that was the master plan, that Jesus dies on the cross, vindicates us all and thus makes us holy beyond anything our own might could do. The act Jesus Christ carried out on that cross “makes right” things that we don’t even think of (Romans 4:25). And I’m crying I’m not virtuous enough ke, God must really look down and just think kmt, you like to give yourself headache you are vindicated before anything else babyyyy.

All this being said, it’s so important that we never forget that our identity is in Christ first and foremost whenever these preoccupations arise. The further I go into my relationship with God the more I realise some things are just set in stone. The attributes I must work towards, cool, they require effort and prayers, but the most important ones are literally effortless because of the blood of Jesus. I won’t be forgetting that again any time soon. And that sweet loves, was my God ordained lesson on that. I hope that has been a blessing to someone, a reminder to someone else or even just a light-hearted read for another.

God bless and stay sweet o,

Yemi

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