Yoooo Happy New Year peopleeee, even though we're really a whole four months in looool, can you imagine?🤧 On a serious level though I hope y'all have had a blessed 2020 and life is treating you well. We're currently in the middle of a pandemic, which I've just clocked is even madder to type than it is to say aloud but uno what, #WeMove. I can't lie it's been a HOT minute since I've been in the writing game, a good six months to be exact, but yeah we back better than ever🙏🏾 Besides it's really #QuarantineSZN and stuff so might as well spread some positivity somehow ygm.
Also wow it probs makes sense to explain what this is? Lol? Yeah. So. Hmm. I'll probably be taking this thing seriously which is why I've moved it into a whole new proper website to make it look pretty and shiny cos I like stuff like that a lot more than I should. So yeah welcome to the brand new site wooooo. Thank God for growth man because I didn't even plan or expect to still be doing this up until now at all. As of rn tho I just have a desire to make this better whilst also constantly growing, improving and refining myself. I want to actually commit to inspiring people through a medium that I'm rapidly developing an interest in. So... here we are :)
Moving on swiftly, when I tell you this second year of university has been a madnesssss. Lord have mercy😭 I've really learnt that this adulting thing is go-go-go, you're really responsible for yourself out in these streets, nobody is out here babying you anymore. I've never even been one of those 'omds I can't wait to flee the nest' kinda kids but it's actually by force when you get to uni and start hitting your twenties. Genuinely I swear it was like literally one week ago I was revising for my 11+🥺 Buttt, in saying that I think there are a myriad of positives; people always talk about how depressing adulthood is and blah blah blah but the stuff that you learn about yourself, the connections and friendships that you build and the ways in which you become a better and more well-rounded individual shouldn't be taken for granted. But maybe that's just me idk🤷🏾♂️ I actually don't know.
These times I'm actually watching other people grow too. I know I’m literally always talking about everyone else's growth and other people's grinds and whatever but watching the development of my friends is so so invigorating and refreshing to me. I know I don't say it enough but the people that I'm close to inspire me more than they even realise. I want to constantly give them credit for the amazing things that they are doing and achieving in their lives and also the ways in which they have helped me conquer my own battles. It's funny because perhaps the biggest thing that I've always struggled with in my life (and have touched on before) is self-doubt. However, I strongly believe that actually just talking about it openly like this will be the final step towards me finally overcoming this once and for all (and will hopefully be a testimony for you as well).
I want to provide some context without making it a whole sob story because I don't believe in those and it's just long looking for attention by being dramatic like that ygm🙃 But yeah let‘s go. Erm. Basically, long story short, I've never really believed in myself or had the confidence to do pretty much anything and I can literally trace back how that has impacted my life. I didn't believe I was good enough to play football at a higher level so yeah I didn't pursue it. I didn't believe that I was ever a good enough Christian so I barely touchedddd church during my early teen years. I used to cry whenever my parents asked me to dance in front of them, let alone in front of others. I was quiet and softly-spoken so I kept myself to myself because I didn’t think I had anything that special to offer the world. The things that I did do I literally had to force as in F O R C E myself to do💀 Or my parents had to drag me but that's another story. Anyway, you see the trend, I didn't think I was good enough to do stuff. Cool. I cannot counttt the number of teachers and just adults in general that would say "Dayon you need to speak more", "Dayon you need to be more confident" etc etc; from my own parents to my headteacher to my work manager like it's actually a madness. It's peak fr fr. It's peak.
Fast forward through to Term 1 of first year and tbh losing the normality of seeing my old friends everyday made me fall back into my shell again and I feel like that undid the years of good work I had done beforehand to build my confidence. Tbh now that I actually think of it, I didn't even enjoy first term like that neither was I even happy at uni. I would wake up and go to sleep annoyed with myself pretty much everyday because I knew I wasn't reaching my full potential. I know it takes me a while to settle into things, I’ve never been the kind of person that can jump straight into stuff and get on amazingly straight away or make friends immediately. I need time to settle and work my way up. Either way, I thank God that by second term I had developed genuine friendships that had real spiritual foundations. These people were able to uplift me without even knowing it. Fast forward again and multiple other life experiences, the lessons learnt from a whole mental breakdown and some other new people helped to bring me out of my shell again. From a holistic perspective, I can safely say that these factors, on top of my deepening relationship with God, were what allowed me to build my self-confidence again.
LoOoOL at this point I acc don't know why I set myself a word limit to not go over because I never stick to it smh. Wasting my time really. Waste. Of. My. Time. Might as well just not bother setting one if I'm just gonna go over. Literally every single time bruh it's acc jarring uno. Next time I'll keep it concise by force cos what is this?¿
Anyway so yeah, as of right now, I'm still out here working on myself, battling the voices of the enemy that constantly tell me that I'm not capable, that I'm not worthy, that I’m not articulate enough, that I'm not talented enough etc etc. I defo know for a fact that there’s still a lot more work to do, it’s not easy but I’m getting there. Despite this, I can't lie I've learnt a lot in these six months and I want to share some of it with you😌 When I say the phrase "you are your own biggest enemy" is so so truthful. Gosh. We tell ourselves that we can't do things more than we tell ourselves we can. We convince ourselves that pessimism when it comes to our own ability is us being realistic when the truth is WE are the authors of our own reality. We like to doubt ourselves, we put ourselves down and talk ourselves out of things because it makes us feel safe. It means we don't have to venture far from our comfort zones.
Honestlyyy I've tried to do soooo much research on this topic yeah, it sounds mad but I'm so intrigued as to why we operate in the way we do. I've looked up stuff about the Imposter Syndrome, the Jonah Complex and Self-Handicapping and all these other social psychology theories. It's quite interesting really. The more sermons and TED Talks that I've watched and listened to, the more I‘ve clocked that I have control over MY life and the enemy does not. I saw a post by Pastor Jerry Flowers (RedefinedTV) a little while ago that said: "if the enemy keeps reminding you of your past it's because he's running out of content, don't let outdated information distract you". It made me deep how many times I've rejected opportunities because I've thought of times that I wasn't able to achieve something. It hurts me to think about the amount of things I could have done or could be doing if I just trusted in my ability.
Why do we question ourselves so much? Why do you question yourself so much? Like actually think about it. These are genuine questions that I've had uno. They've been circling around in my mind so much that I had to write them down in my notes app. Why are you so afraid of rejection? Why are you so afraid in general? What is it about our need for validation from other people that continues to hold us back? Can we ever be 100% (as in actually, fully, 100%) confident in ourselves? Is that attainable? If not, why not? As in deeppppppp itttt nah nah nah someone tell me please because does that make any sense? Make it make sense mannn.
The ROOT and CORE of our lack of self-confidence, our self-doubt, our insecurities and our worry comes from the value we place on the way other people perceive us. This made me think of Hebrews 13:6 (NIV) which says "so we say with confidence, 'the Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”. Thus the question remains: why are you so afraid? Deep that man can't do anything more to us than God permits. He is our protector and friend. I have a quote by Paris Lesley written on my phone (she's lit btw check her insta - defo a member of the Strong Black Woman Club) and she says "the greatest prison people live in is the fear of what other people think". We place our validation in nonsensical things: the thoughts of others, women, men, fashion, money, idk ermmm those smiley face stickers that we used to get when we'd done well in class, social media, sport, academics, the list goes on and on. The problem is that when we don’t possess these things, or do not have them to the standard we want, it knocks our confidence. This then translates into fear and self-doubt, which have both consistently been the biggest enemies of human potential and history shows that.
I pray that God can use me to draw out some of the potential and talent that I see within others the same way that other people did with me. But I also want everyone to see it for themselves too. I thank God that I can now stand in front of thirty 7/8-year-olds and teach them Geography, even as ridiculous as that sounds. I have the confidence to stand on a stage and perform Onaga by JJ Hairston in front of people like a crazy man because I have recognised that I have the power to define myself and not the voices in my head that tell me otherwise. I want this to serve as a testimony for you too.
Let go of the mental and emotional shackles that prevent you from achieving your destiny and what you have been called to do on this Earth. Choose joy over misery, fulfilment over emptiness, freedom over imprisonment. 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV) says "for the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline". You aren't here to be fearful or afraid. YOU have dominion. So believe in yourself; believe in your drip; believe in your SAUCE. You are braver than you think, stronger than you feel, more talented than you know and capable of more than your big brain can even imagine. You are larger than your inferiority complex. You are an example of greatness. Aim to be a beacon of confidence. Use the gifts that God has given you to touch and bless people because I promise you'll be so surprised by how many people look up to you. Make a conscious decision to remember that God didn't bring you this far to leave you now. It's time to let the light that flickers quietly within you shine bright enough for the whole world to see.
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Lord have mercy this was extremely hard to write😭 But I've enjoyed the challenge. I always get to the end and think oh rah I hope this even made sense but I genuinely do hope and pray it touched you in one way or another. Either way, I've outdone myself on this one jeez it's really like a whole 5am, I've been working on this for like eight days now, my head hurts, like no one asked me loool🤧
Also thank you thank you thank youuuuu for reading. For real tho if you've got this far God bless you abundantly and immeasurably cos there are times during this I'm acc just being unserious as per usual🙏🏾 This one really came out of nowhere. Oh yeah see how I'm reluctant to even call it a blog because I just write as if I'm texting a friend loool. On a reals that's how I see this tbh. A long text message to a friend. Besides, I can't do that to actual genuine bloggers that use like proper English and grammar and dem tings dere.
Eww🤢
Ok let's wrap this ting up fast I'm stalling bareeee.
Goodnight (or good morning or whatever time ur reading at) and stay blessed.
You're the best, you're the best✨
Philippians 4:13 (NIV) - "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength".
Dayon 🇸🇱
**PS - These are five of the most powerful and uplifting songs in the world to me🙏🏾